my neck is a canvas painted rouge by your mouth and i remember yesterday with the sort of sweetness reserved for chocolate and
good weather — on the brink of leaving, the see you soon imprinted against my jugular, you kissed me and it felt like a promise in disguise
/
i remember april like — the gentle dampness of your hair post-shower, the warmth of your palms still astonishing — still overwhelming, the slink of familiar music — getting to know you, bluer than blue — i watched with roses underneath my tongue and hands in my back pockets— dazed, confused, you turned me into a dreamer — nineteen and still so kind — i wanted everything and nothing you could give me all at once
/
i remember may— like becoming, arriving at the curve of your smile with the singular thought — oh this is how i once thought it would go now — i remember if i could, i’d film the inside of me to show you how my entire body twisted for every litany that fell from your lips in the drowsy curtain of that afternoon —
/
and here we now exist in the wanting — the waiting — the sharp knife of believing — that i won’t just have to remember one day — the way my hips turn at the slight glint of teeth — instead, today i think of tomorrow — and how i am falling again at the sound of my own name when you’re saying it.
- I’M STILL FALLING FOR YOU, x.v
you make me feel like an alternate reality
lighthouse boy dances in green boxers – backyard suddenly a sea where he shines saccharine wet – (the sky is crying too) – we are 18 and my hands are still warm from the soufflés at our rendezvous – still thinking – romance is tricky and soft sweet – like cream on his upper lip, four hours ago – and now, the curve of his eyes – gentle hollows of a man, waiting, dangerous, alive – skinny dipping is smart until my playlist hits the ground with his shirt – lorde plays boom boom boom boom with my teeth – heart hammering to the time of his laughter – (if the sky was falling, it would look to you) – temptation is an open gate, is the path of water – trees bend and shake – thunder cracks but you stay – in less clothing and lesser light – in the tide flooding ribcage – there you are – lighthouse boy! – with a striped grin – singing along to words which mean surrender in his language – come home in mine – it’s good – it’s sacred – it’s summer.
- IT’S RAINING WHEN HE RUNS OUTSIDE - by x.v, published in The Murmur House
art. art is god. because god is supposed to make you feel something good, she’s/ he’s/ it’s meant to be something tangibly intangible you can taste on the tip of your tongue, not exactly there but just enough and that’s god. God. the thing you can’t remember but always know. i will never call myself an atheist because i have heard you laugh at 3:45 am and i have left my world in your fingertips and seen my entire future in your eyes and i think that’s more than enough proof that there’s something more beautiful than our shipwrecked bodies out there. art is the seashore we fucked on for the first time, and art is the name i will worship until the day you die. i will find heaven and hell in the sand. life is stolen treasure anyway
- DO YOU KNOW WHAT GOD IS ? by x.v
At eighteen, your ignorance hurts more than your fingers (
I still think about what they’d look against cocoa brown, not for myself, but
for the both of us. Impossible tastes like the spit of the girls you want.)
ARIES, the world can feel like one giant scratched record, but it’s your responsibility to keep the music going.
TAURUS, you are my best friend and my second heartbeat. our time together is golden.
GEMINI, fight your battles without bruising your knuckles.
CANCER, a winter skyline pressed into spring, the weather isn’t as good as you are but i’m glad you’re here.
LEO, come home come home come home already. my knees are violet from begging, my neck empty from missing you.
VIRGO, I hope cities taste like what you dreamed them to be.
LIBRA, your secret playlists are what I think about when I stare at my ceiling fan. everything feels like your eyes.
SCORPIO, you are eden fruit and glory personified.
SAGITTARIUS, not every fairytale has a good ending, but the crown fits better than my tongue.
CAPRICORN, you feel like a far-away star who’s orbit I find myself crash landing into with each exhale. I am so fatefully lucky to know you.
AQUARIUS, march is all falling petals and thighs too lonely. this is all temporary though, even you and me and this god.
PISCES, your love is immortal, it is a first religion. pray for me.
- MARCH MESSAGES TO THE SIGNS, x.v
If sex is an illusion, I want to stop waking up thinking about your thighs, about your chest, about the halo of your neck. The sun is a reminder of a rain storm.
It’s a stilted confession from your mouth, your lips blue bitten from her stare, her absence, your inability to let things go and I, eighteen and weary eyed, understand better than anyone. Some moments I catch myself wishing I didn’t get it, didn’t want it, as much as I do, hummingbird dizzy, because darling, you are so much like the vase my mother never bought me, so I keep my flowers tucked in my thighs, saving them for later. It’s always later. You’re hoping I stay.
- QUESTIONS OF A NEW LOVER. (x.v)
ARIES, you are orange and gold encased in maroon skin, sweet as honey. hang loose and know that your best is it’s own reward.
TAURUS, you still make me lose my breath with the curve of your neck, and i’m counting vertebrae to fall asleep, your laugh an indulgence I control my intake of. you are the best screenplay i could never write.
GEMINI, the skyline is trying to kiss the moon, but you’re lucky that you bring her home. be gentle with the kind of starlight you find.
CANCER, you were the first chord of a piano I learned to understand and my favorite poem, my most repeated prayer. we’ve made it this far. tell me that means something, and i’ll believe you.
LEO, to know you is to breathe in the first feeling of tomorrow. you are ceaseless and a shooting star - my night time dream wish. i miss you written a hundred times in blue.
VIRGO, i’m often left asking if this is even worth it, and i think you’re the same. i want to be there for you. it used to be easier, you used to be a reminder of love and now i swallow your silence like a prison sentence. please don’t forget who you are.
LIBRA, we are interlocked hands and ankles swinging in sync; knowing you is a second chance, and i’ll learn for you.
SCORPIO, it’s natural to be terrified of what comes next. call me a lover but i don’t think anything is quite as important as the diamonds in your teeth when you smile. you are my undercurrent of inspiration.
SAGITTARIUS, you are in your moment of nebulae, make it spectacular. rebirth tastes like last year’s champagne and snow.
CAPRICORN, the smooth engine of a car, and a highway of mistakes and constellations. the chase is yours if you want it.
AQUARIUS, your palms say that it’s too late for you but when I close my eyes and swallow the middle name of the girl you once were it’s not sacrifice, but a promise. i will never forgive you if you press pause. an artist is a guttural cry, and you can’t stop.
PISCES, i carry your happiness in a pendant, knowing that some times things do work out, and it can be good. you are the best friend i didn’t know i could have.
- DECEMBER MESSAGES FOR THE SIGNS, x.v