hello. to all of you. all 6k+ of you. i just wanted to say, thank you. thank you for making me feel like a poet on days where i thought i was more monster than artist. more body than soul. more nightmare than dream. thank you. thank you for the being the origin story of constant messages and reblogs and likes and honesty. tumblr might fade in and out of time with me, but i will never forget this. it was @grizzlybairparty​‘s words which had first inspired me to realize that this platform was valid. her words, though not in print yet, had evoked a comfort that Siken could parallel. it really just started off as a casual thing. this. this place. but then, this was became where i started taking something about me seriously. what started out as a venting session for words that were taking up too much storage on my laptop turned into a corner of the internet which has never stopped giving back to me.  without you, without this blog, without the support that this place has given me, Alec Verse would not exist. there are so many ways this place has changed me.  i would not have met @corneas. i would not have known what works to send to a writing program last summer that not only got me in, but also gave me a scholarship. i would not have gotten into Kenyon, because believe it or not i wrote about Alec Verse and xverses in my college essay. a modern muse would not exist if you didn’t want to read it. i would have written it in the crevice of my mind and kept it there, not self published it in the heat of an august i won’t forget. and these are just things. the solace you all would give to me  by letting me yell into what i thought was a  void about what i love and how it would never seem to love me back right and listening, listening when no one around me really was? that’s priceless. it would save me from the brink of losing again, you were a strange reminder to come back. thank you. for teaching this hedonist how to pray again. the faith that i have found in writing was a culmination of all of your belief. from strangers, to friends, to here - you all are part of something bigger, the movement inside my mind. that’s why i come back. even after months, i try to come back and stay active and i hope you know i’ve read each and every one of your messages. scoured through the likes and reblogs, read the tags in detail and saved some of them too. your kindness here does not evade me, and never will. thank you for always propelling me, for being the backbone to xverses. it would not exist for so long now if it wasn’t for all of you here.  :)